So You Think You Can Dance should be murdered on the dance floor

1 April, 2011

ITS hard to think of a programme more inept, more bogus or tedious than the BBCs So You Think You Can Dance.

Even the title doesnt work.

Most of the contestants CAN dance just not brilliantly enough to make interesting or entertaining television.

This is a pretty tall order to begin with.

In terms of TV talent shows, dancing is the poor mans singing. So neither So You Think… nor Skys infinitely more credible, more energetic equivalent, Got To Dance, will ever hold the nation the way The X Factor does.

The fruitcakes are not as funny. And entire genres (like body popping or tap dancing) either dont work on TV, or become so repetitive or mundane as to be ten-a-penny.

The format is a mess. Ballet dancers compete against break-dancers; the untrained are compared with the trained.

The back-flips and other gymnastics have little to do with dancing.

One performer said his inspiration was seeing this guy on the internet with his legs behind his head. Cat Deeley called it abstract break-dancing.

But Sisco summed up what nonsense it all was with the brilliantly back-handed compliment: Youre going to be a legend… in the circus world.

As for The X Factor-style background stories, the selections were woefully incompetent. With my performance, I can keep his music alive, one middle-aged Italian declared last week, donning a single glove and hat. Im not anymore Paolo Debernardi. I become part of Michael Jackson.

He then proceeded to dance to Footloose!

HOPELESS

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On Saturday, Nigel Lythgoe threw a hissy fit at the ludicrous performance of Mary (54) whining: It makes a mockery of the whole programme, and waffling pompously about the integrity of the other dancers.

Such protestations were totally fake. The programme could just not show the hopeless amateurs. But then theyd risk deviating from The X Factor format.

One of this weeks sob stories featured Ryan from the Isle of Wight who trembled: I lost my mum a few years ago. Was this relevant? Im sure lots of the other dancers had too. He also mentioned (several times) that his performance was going to be the first time he had seen his dad in four years. Why he hadnt gone to visit his dad in all that time wasnt clear.

Im not sure who SYTYCD is trying to kid from Cat Deeleys opening to the whole series (the wait is over), to the description of judge Louise Redknapp as dancer and pop phenomenon.

Hollywood hotshot Nigel Lythgoe, meanwhile, was the king of all things dance.

Do they think were stupid? Even if more of the dancers were any good, the judges would still suck the life out of it. The way that old git Nigel Lythgoe and old bag Arlene Phillips leer over any young dancer in a leotard that they fancy is creepy.

Arlenes verdicts are horribly over-scripted.

The kitten didnt turn into a cat! she screeched dementedly about one girl. The kitten turned into a panther!

As for Sisco a man in a white bow tie and red cardigan with a purple baseball cap on sideways chastising a girl called Sophie for her look or her HAIR…

The way Sisco watches some performers as if he wants to kill them is the one amusing aspect of the whole show.

The judges cant even make their minds up whether half the dancers should go through or not, with the ridiculous format allowing them to park them in a callback section.

One girl had to do three dances before progressing.

The whole Choreography Camp process was interm-inably boring.

Bizarrely, the next show features sleep deprivation. Whether this is aimed at stopping the dancers nodding off, or the viewers, is debatable.

VIP Ladies